Friendly. Kind. Lovable. Easy to get along with. These are just some of the things people have said about Mars.

Usually these are said in sarcastic tones with an accompanying roll of the eyes and a gaping flesh wound.

Mars is mean, cynical, sarcastic, witty, rude, snide, sarcastic, mischievous, evil, sarcastic, and cunning. (Did we mention sarcastic?) A cutting remark of some kind never seems to be far from his lips, and he’s convinced he’s the smart one of the group, especially when Stone is up to his usual antics; in fact, Mars could be said to be the polar opposite of Stone, though both are professional pranksters in their own rights. (And unlike Stone, Mars gets all the dates he wants.)

Little is known about Mars’ past. Some say he’s the product of a genetic engineering experiment. Others claim he’s the son of a wealthy ambassador to the United Nations.* Still others insist he’s from the future. One thing’s for sure though–he’s never telling. It is often speculated that MARS may in fact be the most dangerous thing in the moon base. He always has that look of something sinister in his eyes, like he’s plotting ways to get you. Sometimes he is nowhere to be seen during the quite regular werefox attacks that cause widespread panic. Other times, when you think he is not around, he is actually right behind you!

While the fine details of his early life remain shrouded in hyperbolic mystery, it is known that he joined the League shortly after being introduced to Stone by a long-haired ferret in a top hat and smoking jacket. He was the sole voice of reason during the Giant Muffin Crisis and the only one who did not get helplessly spacesick on the trip to the lunar base following the invasion of monkeys (and a bear in a fez) that destroyed the old bunker.

*This theory, at least, is impossible–nothing good ever came from the U.N.

MARS digs the following –

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